"If to the right or left I stray,
That moment, Lord, reprove;
And let me weep my life away,
For having grieved thy love"
"A heart of flesh is known by its tenderness concerning sin. To have indulged a foul imagination, or to have allowed a wild desire to tarry even for a moment, is quite enough to make a heart of flesh grieve before the Lord. The heart of stone calls a great iniquity nothing, but not so the heart of flesh.
"The hard heart is selfish and coldly demands, "Why should I weep for sin? Why should I love the Lord?" But the heart of flesh says; "Lord, thou know est that I love thee; help me to love thee more!" Many are the privileges of this renewed heart; "'Tis here the Spirit dwells, 'tis here that Jesus rests." It is fitted to receive every spiritual blessing, and every blessing comes to it. It is prepared to yield every heavenly fruit to the honor and praise of God, and therefore the Lord delights in it."
"Well I know just what you need,
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to feel
Put me out of my misery
All you suicide kings and you drama queens
Forever after happily, making misery." - Soul Asylum, "Misery"
The path that parallels true love is fraught with turmoil. Which... perhaps; presupposes that love in fact is true to only one definition, compelled to a singular and absolute understanding, whereas the very reality of the faith that we seek subverts such a notion. Reasonably then, such might be the case that very so often our paradigm of love ends up distorted, maimed, gnarled into a reiterative phenomenon. It becomes one that mystifies our understand of the continuum of such love, or, maybe at least, the manner in which we choose to recognize it. That tantamount turmoil compels us to fathom more "uncomplicated" measures for a more thorough recognition of the "concept" of love, rather then the diaspora of perspectives that Christ's definition represents.
A number of years ago, I agonized with an intense spiritual battle over the topic of empathy, though I suppose, any such victory that might have been won to this point has yet to be fully consummated. During this time, I was markedly poor in the practice and successive application of empathy. I consistently failed to discern weather my struggles had to do with my own personal brokenness, or a far more worrisome lack of capacity. Concerning to an extent, but not terribly unusual, such as we exist in a culture where such an absence of heart for men is not only acceptable, but often lionized. Many men struggle to be empathetic when most necessary, to be an ear when hearing is paramount, to be a hand when holding is the only recourse, or to be a shoulder when another is to weak to bear their own weight. Often to do these things is to allow the fruits of the spirit to manifest themselves though a genuine care and concern, creating a tangible sense of for all around them. For a period of time, I tarried with the illusion of legitimate growth, or at least the somewhat genuine perception that surrounds that.
Yet, like all things that carry the presupposition yet deny the reality of love, that feeling was doomed to be short-lived.. The machinations of any such illusion of progress were solely tied into personal satisfaction, rather than borne of genuine compassion. Even more conspicuous in it's absence was the remedy of the holy spirit, which, in my misguided attempts to proceed without it's presence, blinded me to the realities were actually unfolding. For while I had felt while I had mastered the recipe for successful empathy, to that point, I had not secured the main ingredient, and had not even begun to conceptualize it's application to the larger concept. For without this key ingredient, this ingredient that makes a hardened heart go soft, once's heart will be susceptible to stiffness, a grated barrier to genuine empathy and understanding. Perhaps this is attune to why Paul, when writing to Corinth, stopped his first letter and implored them of the foundation, the key ingredient to their faith.
"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13:3
A hardened heart is not just merely presenting an attitude of coldness or distance. Nor is it confined to indifference, or callousness, or anger, or depression. For a hardened heart is the confluence of all of these these, a weathered core that has long been made . A softened heart is one filled with life, one that moves freely, that beats with a purpose, a passion, a consistency. As Spugeon reflects, "The heart of stone calls a great iniquity nothing, but not so the heart of flesh." Such a wellspring of empathy is a fruit not of just the presence of the Holy Spirit, but more an application of the fruits that are borne from such a wellspring. For not just the appearance of compassion in small matters, but the forthright perseverance to endure though larger crises. So when we are moved towards these ends by the Holy Spirit, we wish that it not be an fearful endeavor, rather we be propelled forwards though the actions of our hands and the sound of his voice.
Lord, make present within me first a heart that bears you love, in the way that it was meant to be undertaken. Let it be done with a desire for your love to permeate the heart, to tide over and combat the drift towards apathy. Lord, in me, I ask for such a heart of renewal, a tenderness towards those who require a representation of your love, lord may I live these things to the extent that my flesh bears.
Amen.
